


Curiouser and Curiouser

by faithinthepoor



Series: Once Upon a Time [8]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following the episode Hat Trick</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curiouser and Curiouser

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows my [Fairytale Drabbles](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618763), [Mirror Mirror](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618771), [This Provincial Life](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618775), [Viviane or Nimue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618809), [Dreams and Wishes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618851), [All the Better To….](http://archiveofourown.org/works/619484) and [Magic Keys](http://archiveofourown.org/works/619497)

When the commotion comes she is right in the middle of apologising to Henry for not having made it home yet. She is busy promising to have a special dinner with him the following night, and feeling the full force of his disinterest project itself down the phone line, when the car screeches to a halt outside. She hangs up, happy for the distraction, and shortly after she hears a door slam. Things are silent for a moment but then the shouting begins. Regina gets out from behind her desk and moves to watch the spectacle from her window. Emma must be able to see her because as soon as Regina reaches the window the shouting intensifies.

Regina is tempted to ignore her and to go back to work but this is the sort of thing that the town’s people will talk about for months and it’s not prudent to let it continue. She gestures for Emma to come inside and watches as Emma stumbles her way towards the building.

By the time she has made it to the door Emma has begun knocking. The strikes are inconsistent and are accompanied by yelling. Regina envisions what lies ahead and briefly considers letting the door go unanswered. Only briefly though, because where would be the fun in that? Besides, Henry’s rejection is not the only thing that Regina needs a distraction from – she has been driving herself crazy by ruminating over why Mary Margaret failed to follow through with the escape plan that Regina handed to her on a silver platter. Even a drunk and belligerent Emma is preferable to continuing to beat herself up over that failure. 

She opens the door only to have Emma fall through the frame. It seems that the sheriff is helpless without its support. Regina closes the door and sends out a silent thanks that they are alone in the building. 

Emma regains her footing and raises herself up in a manner that Regina can only assume is meant to be threatening, “I hate you.”

“Well I’m glad I dragged myself away from important work in order to be informed of your opinion. I’ll alert the media shall I?”

“They’d only print what you told them to anyway,” given Emma’s state that is an impressively lucid statement. It seems to have taken all of her brain power because Emma then pauses for a while and scrunches her forehead before saying, “Wait. It’s late. Why are you still here?”

“I happen to be a busy and important person Sherriff Swan.”

“You should be at home with Henry.” It’s rather insulting to be judged by someone as drunk as Emma is right now. It’s also rather cutting to be reminded just how little Henry cares about whether she is home or not.

“Yes I should. So if you’ve finished abusing me you should go so I can get my work done and get back to him.”

“I don’t want to go,” Emma all but pouts, “and I don’t think you want me to go. I think you’d have a lot more fun if I stayed.”

The blonde has narrowed her eyes in what is possibly meant to be an act of seduction but it could not be further from the mark. Regina smiles as she takes in the sheriff with her squinty eyes and her inability to stop herself from swaying. “I can honestly say that I don’t think you’re up to the task.”

“Am too.”

“Is that so?”

“Sure is lady,” Emma lumbers towards her and pushes her into the wall. Regina doesn’t know which is more unpleasant, the alcohol fumes assaulting her face or Emma’s clumsy pawing.

“I’m sorry dear but this just isn’t working for me.”

“Sssshhhh,” Emma manages to spray her with saliva and she places her finger over Regina’s lips. At least she tries to do that – she doesn’t actually find Regina’s mouth. The mayor ends up with her nose squashed to the side and a finger tip in her eye.

“Emma please, you are too drunk for this.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Madam Mayor. I am exactly the right amount of drunk for this.”

“You’re a mess.”

“You are,” comes Emma’s erudite response.

“Seriously baby you are a drunken mess.”

“I’m not!” Emma declares and then completely undermines herself by bursting into tears.

“No, you’re not a mess at all,” Regina whispers as she strokes Emma’s hair.

“You don’t play fair.”

“In general I find fair to be highly overrated but I have to admit that I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you.”

“You called me baby.”

“Note to self, never call Miss Swan nice things.”

“Nooooooooo,” Emma both draws out the word and emphatically shakes her head. “You can say nice things to me. You can say lots and lots of nice things to me but not tonight. Tonight I am very angry at you.” Regina thinks that Emma might be trying to stare at her in an intimidating fashion which might have been successful if Emma could actually focus her eyes.

“So I should be cruel to you then? What do you want me to do? Hurl insults at you? Smack you around a bit?”

“Ummmmmmm no.”

“What is it you want then?”

“I wanted to have sex. I wanted it to be fabulous and then I wanted to walk away from you, leaving your hurting.”

“But you don’t want that anymore?”

“No. Yes. I mean no but not really.” Regina is worried that Emma is going to be caught in a logic loop but she does manage to recover, “I want sex. I always want you. Tonight was meant to be about how angry you’ve made me but then you called me baby,” and now Emma is crying again. Much more forcibly this time.

Regina strokes Emma’s back as her body shudders. She kisses the blonde’s forehead and says, “It’s ok baby.”

“B-b-baby,” Emma wails between sobs.

“Sorry I forgot I’m not allowed to be nice.”

“It’s not me that doesn’t allow that, it’s you. You are so very nice but you try very hard not to be. You’d be happier if you could just stop pretending.” Emma’s drunken insight is rather disturbing.

“Do you think you’d make me happy?”

“I don’t know,” Emma sobs. “I don’t know anything any more. Everything is wrong,” she tells Regina and then the crying really takes over. She clings to the mayor and Regina can feel the shoulder of her jacket becoming soaked. Regina desperately hopes that the moisture is from tears alone but based on the way Emma is sniffling she is pretty sure that it’s not.

“Come on,” she says quietly. “I’ll take you to home.”

“But you don’t want sex,” Emma snivels.

“Home dearest, not sex.”

“No,” Emma tries to push her away and almost falls over in the attempt. “I’ll get myself home.”

“You are in no condition to do that.”

“Yes I am. I drove here,” Emma says proudly.

“So I heard,” Regina states with a shake of her head, “and clearly you were in no fit state to do so. If only I knew a decent sheriff, I’d have you arrested.”

Emma’s forehead crinkles again and Regina assumes she is tyring to decipher the meaning of the statement about sheriffs but instead she says, “I worry that you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Get people arrested.”

Emma’s words hit like a blow and they hurt much more than they should. After all it’s not like they’re not true. She doesn’t want to think that she cares that much about what Emma thinks of her so she tells herself that it’s just the narcissistic injury of discovering she is not devilish enough to be above suspicion. “Well tonight is different. Tonight I am going to make sure you don’t have to arrest yourself.”

“I won’t drive,” Emma promises her with a wink that is neither reassuring nor successful. 

“I’m not sure that I trust you right now.”

“I’ll walk,” Emma tells her with a nod that starts out solemn but ends up making her look like a bobble head.

Regina has images of Emma passed out in bushes or in the middle of the road. “I don’t think that’s a good idea either.”

“Fine then,” Emma says with a dramatic shrug of her shoulders, “I’ll just sleep in your office.”

“I don’t want to have to explain that to my staff in the morning. Emma just let me drive you home.”

“Fine. You can be my escort if you insist.”

“I do insist.”

“My knight in shining armour,” Emma says. She then leans forward and manages to bang their foreheads together.

“Ok then damsel, you just wait there while I get my bag and we’ll get you home.”

As Regna goes into her office she can hear Emma yelling out about the fact that she is neither a damsel nor in need of rescuing. The mayor gathers her belongings as fast as she can and doesn’t even attempt to secure important documents because she fears that, if left alone too long, Emma will try to drive herself home. The sheriff is stubborn and that is not the best quality to combine with a skin full of alcohol. In the state that she is in, Emma could well die just trying to prove a point.

It turns out that she could have been much more thorough because when she returns she finds Emma slumped on the floor. “Come on. Let’s get going.” She reaches down, takes Emma’s hand and attempts to pull her up. She is unable to fight the power of inertia and Emma remains glued to the ground. Regina rubs her hand over her face and tries to remain calm. “I’m going to need your help to get you up.”

“Ok. I’ll be good.”

This time Regina uses both hands and manages to get Emma to her feet. It was touch and go for a moment though and Regina briefly feared that Emma would pull her down with her. She puts an arm around Emma’s waist and takes as much of her weight as she can.

Getting Emma into the car proves to be almost as difficult as getting her off of the floor and Regina is starting to feel that she should have bothered. Things do not improve once the car starts moving. Emma seems unable to remain upright and she swings wildly with each turn. Regina’s grateful that the town is small because it means their drive is short. Emma is not safe in the car. She is repeatedly slamming her head, either into Regina’s or the window, every time they go around a corner.

One of the turns results in a particularly loud crack when Emma’s head smashes into the window with considerable force. Regina is impressed that the window is still intact but she is starting to worry that Emma will cause herself brain damage, “Damn it Emma use your neck. That’s what it’s for.”

“I can’t. All my bones have gone.”

“Oh Lord,” Regina chuckles indulgently. “Well I guess I’ll have to drive slower then.”

“You just want to have more time with me.”

Emma is right but Regina is not about to admit it. “I don’t want to have to find a new sheriff just because you’ve given yourself a head injury.”

“That’s because if I wasn’t the sheriff you might not get to see me as much,” Emma insists.

“Is that so?” Regina asks as she pulls up.

“Yep.”

Regina exits the car and comes around to Emma’s side in order to try and help her out. In a move that shows more planning than Regina thought Emma was capable of she has managed to get her seatbelt off but it seems that getting out of the seat is beyond her. Regina drags the blonde from the car and wonders how many people have witnessed Emma in her compromised state this evening. 

With a lot of effort they make it into Emma’s building only to have Emma balk at the stairs. “I can’t do it. I’m going to have to stay here. I can live on the floor. It will be nice.”

Regina strongly considers leaving her there but finds that she can’t be that irresponsible. Thankfully it’s not all that difficult to manipulate Emma in her current state. “Well I’m going upstairs. Are you coming with me or not?”

“I’m with you,” Emma replies and Regina finds those words terrifying.

“Ok then. Let’s do this.”

Helping Emma up the stairs is not an easy or a silent process. Emma struggles with each and every step and she leans heavily on Regina. At one point she stops altogether, smiles like a dullard, and places a kiss to Regina’s cheek. “You like me,” she says.

“Not right now I don’t,” Regina mutters as she tries to get Emma moving again. 

They finally make it to the top and Emma throws her arms around Regina and kisses her. Unfortunately it doesn’t really feel like a kiss, it feels more like Regina is being slobbered on by a Saint Bernard. She pushes Emma off her only to have Emma latch onto her back when she attempts to find Emma’s keys and get them inside. Emma’s lips are on her neck when Regina manages to get the door open and she pulls Emma inside before things can get any worse.

Emma has suddenly become a lot more compliant and she doesn’t protest when Regina takes her by the hand and leads her to the bedroom. Regina manages to get Emma to sit on the bed but when she tries to get her to lie down Emma drags Regina on top of her. The sheriff’s grip is vicelike as she says, “Come on. We both know it would be good.”

“No it wouldn’t,” Regina tells her.

“It’s always good with us,” Emma counters. “This is the bit we are best at. We have good sex.”

Regina’s face breaks into a smile. “Yes we do but not tonight. What you need right now is a bucket because I can’t imagine that you are going to be able to make it to the bathroom when the inevitable outcome of your drinking occurs.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think it’s safe to say that you are going to vomit at some point tonight.”

“No I won’t. I’ve never, ever, ever vomited from drinking and I’ve had a lot to drink in my life.” Emma runs her hands down Regina’s back.

“Honey I’m not sure that’s something you should brag about,” Regina places a kiss to Emma’s clavicle. 

“Tolerance shouldn’t be mocked. Without it those drugs might have fucked me up a whole lot more and then I’d have really been screwed.”

“You’ve been taking drugs?” Regina doesn’t like that idea but more importantly she finds it surprising because Emma would have had to go out of her way to procure them. It’s not as though Storybrooke has a crack den on every corner.

“Not on purpose.”

“Then how?” None of this makes sense to her. Drink spiking is about as common as crack dens in this town.

“Doesn’t matter. Not going to happen again. He disappeared into a hat.”

Regina’s blood runs cold. “Who did?” her voice is harsh and she shakes Emma roughly.

“The guy,” Emma says as though that it explains it all. Regina wants to press her further but shaking Emma was a mistake. The blonde is even paler than usual and her voice is shaky as she tells Regina, “I feel sick.”

“Hold on. I’ll get you a bucket.”

“Ok. But only cause it would make you feel better.”

“I thought you wanted me to feel bad tonight.”

“Water. Bridge,” Emma says with a small shrug. She appears to be economising on both movement and words.

Emma is not going to give her any useful information tonight and so Regina leaves her and goes in search of a bucket. Evidently she has not spent enough time at Emma’s because she is unable to locate one and is forced to return with a saucepan instead. Emma is already snoring and so Regina places the saucepan beside the bed before removing the sheriff’s shoes. When she is done she turns the light off and climbs into bed beside Emma. 

As Regina watches the blonde sleep she tells herself that she is simply worried that Emma is at risk of choking to death tonight. She snuggles against Emma and tries to convince herself that it’s ok because no one, not even Emma, will ever know. She can’t make it feel ok though. It feels anything but ok. It feels dangerously like a betrayal and she flees from both Emma and the emotions that she causes as fast as she can.

She doesn’t return to her office. She can’t face it and she’s glad that Henry is already asleep because she’s not sure that she has it in her to pretend to be ok. So much is spinning out of control but when she climbs into her bed all she can focus on is that it seems large and lonely. The ring against her chest feels cold and it contrasts starkly with the warm body she was holding earlier. She misses Emma’s warmth but she knows she can’t ever have it. She can’t have both the ring and the girl and sadly Regina made her decision a long time ago.


End file.
